If you want to make Him laugh . . .

One of my favorite expressions is, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."

Another is "I don't believe in revenge . . . karma is a bigger bitch than I could ever be."

Opposite ends of the scale I know, but both relevant to this point in my life.

Plans: When I got married 14 years ago, two weeks after graduating from college, I planned on being married for 50 years. When I was pregnant with my daughter I planned on watching her grow up in a solid family. I imagined her father and I sitting at her wedding and remembering all of the highlights we had of raising her together . . . her first day of school, learning to ride a bike, drive a car . . . the first time she fell in love. When K had her first Christmas, I bought brand new stockings to hang by the chimney, with an extra one or two so there'd be matching ones just in case any little brothers or sisters came along.

If I've learned one thing over the last six years it would be that God not only has a wicked sense of humor, but that the plans He has for us are probably better than the ones we had for ourselves.

I will not be married for 50 years. I made it to 10 and even that's a stretch since my ex had pretty much checked out of the marriage shortly after (if not before) my daughter was born.

I will not sit at K's wedding with her Dad sharing memories of all the things we did with her growing up. There aren't any.

I hang our two stocking by the fireplace every year, but I don't think about the brothers and sisters K will have. Instead, I think about the Christmas between the separation and the divorce. The one where I went to get the decorations out of the closet and spent an hour crying when I realized I no longer needed any extra ones, or even the ones I had.

When I got divorced I planned on spending the next 14 years getting my shit together and focusing on my kid with the hopes that by the time she went off to college she would be prepared for life and I would be a smoking hot 48 year old with no obligations and my choice of men (since all the other women my age would have let themselves go to pot of course).

Well, that plan is hitting the scrap pile too. My new plan is to just throw it all out there to the universe and see what happens. As of now, I am open to any and all of the possibilities that could come my way.

I love my house, and my life in Virginia, but tomorrow I am looking at a house about 1/2 a mile down the road from my folk's place in PA. There's probably not a chance in hell I'll be able to make the switch, but I'm checking it out anyway.

The first year after my divorce I had absolutely no interest in getting within 10 feet of anything that had a penis. The year after that, I started dipping my toe into the man pool, but had horrible results . . . forget about a blog, the details of those non-experiences could fill up an entire book. This past year, I stuck my whole foot in the dating pool and while I actually HAD my first date in almost 20 years, it was a total bust. So I've finally decided, screw wading into the dating pool. This year I'm diving in head first. Yep, I'm biting the bullet and finally signing up for an online dating site. As soon as I finish filling out 800 or so questions, I will officially be on the market. It must be true . . . I read it on the Internet!

There are a few other changes I've started to make, regarding finances and other things to just generally get my life in order. I have no idea what is in store for me over the next year. It may be a smaller house, a better job or a good man, but I have great faith that it will be better than the hand I've been dealt in the past.

And as for karma? I pretty sure she owes me big and it's about time for her to pay up, with interest.